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More Funny One Liner's

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More Funny One Liner's

Post by Tanzanite/Cindy on Tue Jun 09, 2009 6:57 am

Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?

Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Did anyone see my lost carrier?

Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

Double your drive space. Delete Windows!

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery
.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Honk if you want to see my finger.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

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